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I was listening to a debate on R4 on the way home last night about whether lack of manners is what's dragging us down into a yob culture (it's part of a series called "Is Britain going to the dogs?"!). It was very interesting in the end - much better than I expected - and one particular comment made me think. "Manners are a virtue"
Initially, I was very dubious about this statement - does having good manners make you a better person? Surely it's things like kindness and honesty which make you a better person. Inside things. Manners are more presentational.
Earlier in the discussion they'd talked about a distinction between manners and etiquette. They'd made it clear what etiquette was but not really (to me) what manners were and this idea of manners as a virtue suddenly made me see where the distinction lay. Etiquette is the presentational part - the pleases and thank-yous, the holding of the door which ease our days and make things nicer but are not necessarily virtuous in themselves. Manners on the other hand are tied in with respect. They talked about the shift towards respect which must be earned rather than being automatic. To me, the essence of manners is that you give everyone the opportunity to earn that respect. You never write someone off automatically. You give everyone a fair hearing. I think that is something which makes you a better person.
What do you think?
Initially, I was very dubious about this statement - does having good manners make you a better person? Surely it's things like kindness and honesty which make you a better person. Inside things. Manners are more presentational.
Earlier in the discussion they'd talked about a distinction between manners and etiquette. They'd made it clear what etiquette was but not really (to me) what manners were and this idea of manners as a virtue suddenly made me see where the distinction lay. Etiquette is the presentational part - the pleases and thank-yous, the holding of the door which ease our days and make things nicer but are not necessarily virtuous in themselves. Manners on the other hand are tied in with respect. They talked about the shift towards respect which must be earned rather than being automatic. To me, the essence of manners is that you give everyone the opportunity to earn that respect. You never write someone off automatically. You give everyone a fair hearing. I think that is something which makes you a better person.
What do you think?
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Date: May 9th, 2002 03:20 am (UTC)From:Even if you don't look any further than the face of it, there's a clearly observable correlation between manners and respect. You just have to look at kids being rude to policemen.
My train of thought about this came up with one of my favourite quotes, attributed to one Oliver Herford.That's the 'good' way to manners - having the empathy to understand what someone will find to be rude or not. The bad way is, of course, to be scared enough of someone.
Hmm.. thanks for this - especially since I missed R4's Thought For The Day this morning :)