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Had my first panic/asthma attack for ages today on the tube. To explain, I'm not very good in crowds - I think, because I'm short I fear being crushed. At least, I hate the feeling of being swept away. This means that I don't go clubbing very often and try to keep to a corner when I do. It also means that the Central line on the Underground is not my favourite place. Mostly I'm OK - I just try to day-dream - but this morning it was even fuller than usual (who would have thought it possible?) and I'm wearing a coat which is, in retrospect, slightly to heavy for the weather. So I'm too hot and it's incredibly crowded and then at Oxford Circus a woman gets on who is wearing way to much perfume and that's too much. I start to feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen and feeling slightly dizzy. Fortunatly, I'm right by the door so I can lean on that between stations. I start to breath a little wheazily but by dint of stern talking to myself ("Stop making such a fuss! It's all in your head anyway") and concentrating on breathing steadily (even though the perfume taste in my mouth is horrible) I prevent myself from actually hyperventilating. I have rarely been so relieved to see Bank come around. I stand limply on the escalator and when I finally get to the outside, pause to lean against a wall and have a few deep breaths.
Once I make it to the office I grab a cup of tea and sit at my desk just feeling rather shaky (my legs have that heavy feeling like I've been running or something) and trying to screen out the sound of Simon being fortright about something next to me while I sip my tea.
I thought I had got over these - I haven't had one for ages - but in retrospect I think it's just that the cold weather in winter means that I'm less prone to them - overheating is definately a trigger. Last summer on the DLR I occasionally had to sit down on a bench as soon as the train pulled in because I felt so dizzy but I haven't had problems on the Central line up until now even though it's just as crowded if you don't get on until 8:30. But of course, I didn't start using the Central line until the end of September last year. When it happens, I always start to worry that I'm going to faint and then if I do it's so full that I won't fall to the ground and no-one will realise until they all surge out onto the platform, trampling me in the process. Which doesn't help to calm me down. Fortunatly, stern talking to myself does manage to keep it under control usually as I know deep down that that's not really likely anyway. So, summer coat tomorrow I'm thinking.
Once I make it to the office I grab a cup of tea and sit at my desk just feeling rather shaky (my legs have that heavy feeling like I've been running or something) and trying to screen out the sound of Simon being fortright about something next to me while I sip my tea.
I thought I had got over these - I haven't had one for ages - but in retrospect I think it's just that the cold weather in winter means that I'm less prone to them - overheating is definately a trigger. Last summer on the DLR I occasionally had to sit down on a bench as soon as the train pulled in because I felt so dizzy but I haven't had problems on the Central line up until now even though it's just as crowded if you don't get on until 8:30. But of course, I didn't start using the Central line until the end of September last year. When it happens, I always start to worry that I'm going to faint and then if I do it's so full that I won't fall to the ground and no-one will realise until they all surge out onto the platform, trampling me in the process. Which doesn't help to calm me down. Fortunatly, stern talking to myself does manage to keep it under control usually as I know deep down that that's not really likely anyway. So, summer coat tomorrow I'm thinking.
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Date: April 18th, 2002 03:16 am (UTC)From: