Exit strategies

[tinyjo]

I've been thinking about it recently and it's occured to me that one of my major mechanisms for dealing with bad, difficult or uncomfortable situations is to come up with an exit strategy. That's not to say that I won't be intending to try and improve the situation or turn it around, although of course you can't always. It just helps me to feel more in control and less stressed to know that if I really need to, I can step back, get away, whatever. It takes the pressure off. I think that's one of the reasons I find myself so uncomfortable with the idea of myself as a parent - there's no exit strategy you can really plan there.

I should do a real life update soon, really. I'll get to it, I promise.

Comments

Re: Hmm...

[crschmidt.livejournal.com]

There are times you want to get out, and can't. It's worth it, in the big scheme of things, but once you make the decision, you can't give up, and it's unlike pretty much everything else in that respect (other than major surgery, I suppose. Even tattoos come off with a laser or something.)

Re: Hmm...

[tinyjo.livejournal.com]

once you make the decision, you can't give up, and it's unlike pretty much everything else in that respect

Yes, exactly. This also comes into play when I'm starting out on something where if I'm nervous about it, I can calm myself by thinking about well if it all went horribly wrong, I could get out and start again in some way, but when you're a parent you can't - you stay responsible for that kid for life.

Re: Hmm...

[applez.livejournal.com]

I don't think it is any harder than other long-term life challenges, like:

marriage

mortgage

work vs. play

aging in general ... becoming more vulnerable over time without a support network of partner, relations, or children is very difficult, even if you have institutional healthcare.

Re: Hmm...

[applez.livejournal.com]

With regards to marriage and divorce ...

I work from the assumption that one would accept marriage, as one would a child, where failure is unacceptable.

If on the other hand, failure of marriage is acceptable, then perhaps failing one's children is too ... a worrying thought to consider. :-/

Re: Hmm...

[tinyjo.livejournal.com]

I see the choice to marry and the choice to have a child as very very different ones. Failure in marriage is acceptable, I would say but I don't think that leads in any way to the idea that failing one's children is acceptable.

A marriage is (or should be) an equal contract between consenting adults. Both parties are responsible for making it work and if that's really not possible in the end then the partnership should be disolved in the least damaging fashion.

With a child though, you make the decision for both of you to bring that child into the world. That gives you the responsiblity to take care of that child for life and you can't step away from that. You're obligated to stick through it no matter what. It's not an equal partnership and that gives you more and different responsibilities.

Note that this view of marriage is part of why I'm not keep on the idea of "always and forever" promises in the marriage vows.

Re: Hmm...

[tinyjo.livejournal.com]

I disagree here. I think that the choice and experience of raising a child is *much* harder than marriage or mortgage challenges and work vs play is not even up there. Aging is also a very difficult situation in some cirucumstances but it's not ever one you chose so I don't think it falls into the same category.

Crucially for me, with both a marriage and a mortgage if it becomes too much you can plan an exit strategy but when you've had a child you're responsible for that child forever, with no outs.