I used to really resent my mum's idea of etiquette (that I naturally was forced to participate in). This was because I saw it used as a mask to hide what she really thought of some people. I knew the smiles were false, and I resented having to be part of the sham.
It also seemed to create some bizarre situations which went against my sense of fairness. For example, I recall when I was in my teens that a friend of mine who had arrived at our house earlier than expected, was required to wait outide for me while our family ate dinner, because to let him in and then not ask him to join us for dinner would have been rude, apparently. I never did understand that one. I mean, surely making him wait outside is even more rude? Well that's the way it seemed to me when I was 15.
The distinction between etiquette and manners reminds me a little of the difference between morality and ethics, but I'm not going to get into that minefield!
I like your suggestion that manners are different because they're tied in with respect. That rings true to me. Etiquette is a superficial thing. Manners come more from the real you.
From that perspective, lack of manners is indicative of a decline into 'yob culture', but it's not a cause. The cause is lack of respect for ourselves, and lack of respect for those around us, not forgetting a lack of respect for the land we live on, (which is quite possibly at the root of it all).
The older I get, the more I look for and respect good manners in people. You may shoot me if I ever start talking about beating respect into the young, though. We can only lead by example. Hypocrites need not apply.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chiming
no subject
Date: May 9th, 2002 06:09 am (UTC)From:It also seemed to create some bizarre situations which went against my sense of fairness. For example, I recall when I was in my teens that a friend of mine who had arrived at our house earlier than expected, was required to wait outide for me while our family ate dinner, because to let him in and then not ask him to join us for dinner would have been rude, apparently. I never did understand that one. I mean, surely making him wait outside is even more rude? Well that's the way it seemed to me when I was 15.
The distinction between etiquette and manners reminds me a little of the difference between morality and ethics, but I'm not going to get into that minefield!
I like your suggestion that manners are different because they're tied in with respect. That rings true to me. Etiquette is a superficial thing. Manners come more from the real you.
From that perspective, lack of manners is indicative of a decline into 'yob culture', but it's not a cause. The cause is lack of respect for ourselves, and lack of respect for those around us, not forgetting a lack of respect for the land we live on, (which is quite possibly at the root of it all).
The older I get, the more I look for and respect good manners in people. You may shoot me if I ever start talking about beating respect into the young, though. We can only lead by example. Hypocrites need not apply.