October 3rd, 2001

tinyjo: (Default)
Well, after a distinctly dubious start, the Alabama 3 gig was fantastic last night. There wasn't really a proper support band but it seemed like the roadies were trying to DJ and failing miserably. They had about 2 CDs, both of which were base line and nothing else. Once the A3 actually got out on the stage though it was great. The did all my faves (U don't dance 2 techno, Ain't Goin' to Goa, etc) and a couple of really great sounding new tracks as well. I wonder how long it'll be before another album comes out. I guess a while as they're still releasing singles from the old one but we'll see. I'm on their mailing list now so I should find out when they finally do.

I have decided that I ought to try to be a bit more interesting in this journal - do some more long rambles about my thoughts or something. I'm not sure why this doesn't come easily to me - I seem to manage it fine in real life ('Tea!', 'Hugs!', etc) but somehow I find it tricky to start off in writing. Like when I try to write poetry it sounds great in my head or when I say it to myself but as soon as I try to write it down it looks small and pretentious and silly. I am never sure if thats because it is (silly, etc) or just my lack of confidence in it. So I tend to just stick to relatively safe things here. Interestingly I don't think that it bothers me that quite a few people I know read this - like me they have nothing better to do at work than surf the net - although it could be a subconscious reason I guess.

So, my first interesting revelation is that I am getting paranoid at the moment that the wheel of karma is going to swing back any time soon and something horrible will happen to me. It is a source of constant amazement to me that nothing bad has ever really happened to me. I'll never be able to be a writer cos I had an extremely happy and stable childhood with lovely parents and brother and a nice school where I had some good friends and, although I was never in the 'in' crowd I wasn't really bullied either. I found everything easy, I got to go to the uni I wanted, fell in love with someone who loves me back, did really well in my degree while still having time to piss around with some really cool people, got a really expensive job and now have a house in Oxford and soon the chance to telecommute! As I say, I'm just vaguely freaked out by it. Everyone I know seems to have had more trauma than me. Sometimes I wonder whether it makes me a little boring in some ways - I've never been tested by adversity so I'm a little unformed as a personality somehow. I don't know really - I just have this vague feeling that I should be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which is silly because I don't believe in fate or in 'balance' in the universe really but it seems to be instinctive. I guess I feel that I 'owe' somehow. Maybe I should make the effort to do more charity work - volunteer my Saturday afternoons in Oxfam or something like that. I'll let you know if I get round to anything...

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tinyjo: (Default)
Emptied of expectation. Relax.

June 2020

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