( Evidence that Alex is lovely )
How cute is that?!
2 takeaway meals
good TV to watch
small amounts alcohol
Invite lovely boyfriend round to watch TV. Each collect one of the takeaways. Sit on sofa and eat meals, drink alcohol and watch TV. When eating/drinking finished snuggle up on sofa under blanket and hug while watching TV.
Went out for dinner with Alex last night. I love it when we go out just the two of us - we had a really nice rambling discussion (some of which is being worked up into a rant to post here/on my website about politics) and a few drinks. It's a shame Cocos was closed though - I really fancied a banoffie pie. I'm going to try to get him to take me to Lord of the Rings this weekend - speaking of which, check out the Secret Diaries - great fun. I feel like I haven't seen that much of him lately so I'm looking forward to doing a bit of hanging out this weekend.
Did not make it to see Amelie last night - too tired. Just feel rather washed out at the moment. Alex came round and was sad cos he has to do things and hasn't bought any pressies yet. Poor thing. I gave him some hugs but it only helped a little bit. He is lovely - it's a shame that he won't really get very much rest this Christmas as after he's been to see me he's going to see both lots of parents. At least when I go home I won't have anything to do til New Year and can just lie around and read and stuff.
So - to summarize my weekend for you...
Fri night: Alex's work party - cold but nice.
Sat night: Alistairs dinner - lovely food, drink, company. Me appointed Mikes surrogate girlfriend.
Sun: nothing :)
( If you want a bit more detail, click here... )
Not very awake this morning because I had a bit of a nasty journey to work - the bus was boiling and the driver and his mate were having a very loud discussion at the bottom of the stairs so I didn't get as much sleep as normal. Then the tube was awful - there had been some sort of delay just before I got there so the train was absolutely full to bursting and the trouble with the Central line is that you just know that the next 2 or 3 will be too so there's no point in waiting. Ah well.
I need to learn a way of expressing my feelings better in writing I think, or at least a way I can accept. I tried to write something about Alex and our relationship but when I try to put it down it looks small and wrong and cliched - a bit like when I try to write poetry - it sounds fine in my head and it works but somehow, on the page it doesn't. I'll have to resign myself to either not writing it or not being satisfied with it. I guess it could be a work in progress. The thing is that I really want to write it - let the world know how good I feel and how lucky I am. Maybe it's better if I don't - Alex might be embarrassed. Still, the desire remains. Watch this space...
So, it occurs to me, reading back the entries here from the last week or so that I have spent far too much time bitching mostly about work and so I think it's time for a blessing count.
- My health: While this is not as good as it could be (i.e. I get colds all the time) it's not like I have to go to hospital ever or anything like that so I think that counts as a plus
- General: I live in a country where I have freedom of choice about my religion and orientation and where no-one will actually try to kill me on behalf of the state for taking drugs or committing adultery. I have plenty to eat and if I couldn't provide that for myself there are safety nets there. I don't have any problems keeping warm or dry. I may bitch about Britain sometimes, but it's not bad compared to some of the alternatives.
- My house: It has made a huge difference to my quality of life living in a house I really like in a city I love. I was so lucky to find this place - it ended up being a last minute thing because the place that I was going to have (which wasn't nearly as good) wasn't going to be ready in time and this place was pretty much the only one I could find within both my price range and the area of the city I wanted (i.e. not too far out) so I was pretty much going to have to take it whatever happened and then it turned out to be lovely. Hoorah.
- My job: I know I bitch about it all the time but actually my job is not bad. There may be a couple of annoying people here and it may be a bit of a commute but the work itself is fairly interesting, I get to work fairly autonomously, I have quite a nice boss and I get paid frankly far more than what I'm worth which has to be good. Also, they are still paying for me to beef up my CV with useless qualifications. Plus, it would appear that GE have unofficially given in about the tea in that our security passes will once again let us into the nice coffee bit but no-one has announced this. Bless
- My friends: Are fantastic. They're good fun, have great ideas, organize me to go out and do things and are generally all round fab.
- My family: Are also fantastic. I'm very close indeed to my immediate family (as those of you who've been reading this for a while may remember). They're always there for me to whine about whatever's bugging me or share whatever I'm happy about. They're a great laugh and we enjoy lots of the same things (my Mum is one of the best shopping partners in the whole world :) ). Yay for them
- My boyfriend: Ahhhh, he's so lovely. Plus he puts up with me being endlessly soppy and adoring with remarkable good grace, suppressing his natural cynicism for the cause. He lets me bully him into making me tea pretty much whenever I want (with the exception of being the first one out of bed in order to perform said task) and lets me worm my little head under his arm pretty much whenever I want a hug (i.e. pretty much all the time :) ). He puts up with me when I'm depressed and when I'm happy - both of which can be a strain. And he loves me loads*. And he's fantastic in bed.
So, there you are. It's great to be me.
* I am as certain of this as it is possible to be about the feelings of a person who is not myself.
My parents have once again headed homewards via a diversion of a visit to my Nan in London. Once again both she and my granddad have managed to go from being in a really bad patch a couple of months ago when Granddad had broken his hip and Nan was quite depressed to being really perky again. I think they may be secretly indestructible. You can always tell when Nan's feeling good because she starts decorating the house. Its become a bit of a mania really - every time shes up she gets the nice chap to come over and re-do some room which was only done a couple of months ago. Much to his credit, last time she called him over he tried to talk her out of it himself! I guess that having done it only 18 months ago he felt it was a bit of a waste. But she insisted - shes ever so stubborn is my Nan. I have to say that I think he was right - it was better before - but never mind. One of the only downers about not living in London is that its tricky to get to see Nan and Granddad again because they live on the outskirts of London just nicely positioned so that to get there from Oxford you have to come all the way in to the centre and then out again - not ideal as you can imagine. It ends up being about 3 hours. Its the only time I wish I had a car as it wouldn't be too tricky at all then (ok not quite the only time but pretty close).
We're going to see another free play tonight - the Carpenter by Harold Pinter. I had a sudden urge when I looked through the program to go and see something by Pinter and this seems like as good an opportunity as any. That's one of the good things about this reviewing gig - I wouldn't go to something like this speculatively if I was going to have to pay £15 for it but if its free I can indulge my whims. I doubt it'll be as good as the Stoppard but then Stoppard is particularly attuned to the sort of thing I like. It'll be nice to go together as well. Alex has been very affectionate over the last week or so - just little things like the occasional extra hug or snuggle or something. Its really nice - it's a shame we've been so busy the past couple of weekends. I think we're going to try and have a weekend all to ourselves some time soon if we can just manage to fit it in around all the other people who want to see us! Fingers crossed. He seemed to have fun with my parents as well - they get on really well which is good. His sarcastic sense of humour really suits them and of course he and Dad are both into music so they're never short of conversation. I still haven't written to his Mum to say thanks for the housewarming pressie actually which is very bad of me. I'll have to put it in my Visor otherwise it'll never get done...
'Do you remember when we made love in the roses
And you took my picture in all sorts of poses'
I am supposed to be going bowling with the guys from work tonight but I'm really tempted to cry off. Unfortunately I've already paid and I never seem to make it to these things so I ought to make an effort really but I can't help feeling that I'm not exactly going to be the life and soul of the party.
Went to see Men at Arms last night - the play of the Pratchett novel. The casting and performances were really good - they had a great Sergeant Colon for example and they'd managed to cast good suitably shaped actors for all the parts - but I actually wasn't very impressed with the dramatization itself. It managed to feel rushed and at the same time take ages and I wasn't sure it would have made sense if I hadn't known the book pretty well. It really clunked in places. Also they struggled against the limitations of the venue to get the sound effects working and didn't always succeed - there were a couple of crucial missing gunshots for example and again, it's only because I know they should have been there that things made sense. Actually it was pretty good on the whole and we had a good time.
Was having a chat with Alex afterwards. I don't understand him often. He seems to be feeling depressed because he feels that he's not maintaining his obligations properly. He acts like all his previous relationships were transactions in which he took but didn't give and so he owes the other person in some way. To me, that seems to be missing the point - a relationship with someone is a free exchange, not a transaction. Each person is involved because they want to be (except possibly the child in the parent/child relationship) and because of what they're getting *now* not in order to demand eternal service. Maybe I'm missing the point (I probably am), maybe its a language thing. It just doesn't seem to me that it's a terrible crime to fall out of touch with someone or something you should feel desparatly guilty about. If you want to call them then do so, but don't call them if you don't want to. If they want to talk to you then they'll call you and it's not your fault if they generally call first. Oh well.